Thursday, June 11, 2015
I've fallen so unapologetically in love with our home and our neighbourhood; it continues to present me with these minute, yet incredibly valuable life lessons + thoughts. It has been so many years since I've ever felt any sense of pride towards my sanctuary and my surroundings, and it feels so heart-swellingly good to feel as though we've found a place of belonging. Last night I had an emotional breakdown; I was running low on sleep and high on subconscious stress. I seemed to have committed myself to too many things at once, and being tired and grumpy just seemed to push me over the edge. I feel as though as small business owners, we often feel as though we have something to prove; that we have to work ourselves so hard--neglecting our health and lifestyle--in order to show others that we're making this work for ourselves. Don't get me wrong, I am so fiercely passionate about working as a photographer + blogger (hence why I can never take a break haha), but I think that I simply continue to forget that I'm first and foremost a human being. A living entity that craves even the most minute moments of solitude and relaxation. That I can't do this all on my own, all of that time. That I need to imply some sort of limitations. And that that's ok. There aren't many moments in my days where my mind isn't mentally checking the to-do lists, or working to formulate blog thoughts + sentences, or checking that insistent ding from an incoming email. My work is all-consuming, but I honestly wouldn't have it any other way.
Moral of the story is this, today I forced myself to walk; to get outside and just go, without rules or expectations. I found myself along the river, ankle deep in the freshest of waters, taking in the surroundings. Countless others had appeared on the riverbed, lounging away the stresses of their days. I waded through the refreshing waters collecting circle-shaped stones and gathering them in my bag. Once I had my fill of being waterside--but let's be honest, I could have stayed there all day long--I wandered down our back alley and came out next to this incredible old school that we live next to. The school is old, but in the most beautifully elegant way. It's shaded by the wisest of maple trees, and lends space to a blossoming outdoor community garden. There was somebody in their garden plot, picking weeds and nurturing their produce. I watched them briefly as they knelt in the soil and plucked the unwanted greenery with ease. I continued on my way with the sudden urgency to document all that i had just experienced; to write down in excessive detail the simple beauty that presented itself around me. Even if you guys reading this weren't there with me, and perhaps don't understand the importance of these small moments; these moments that I whole-heartedly needed to experience today, that's okay, because I want to remember how it feels to put myself solely in the present moment, if only for a few minutes. I want to remember that I don't have to feel guilty for walking away fro my computer screen because it's 30 degrees outside and the sunshine is beckoning my name. I want to remember that it's okay to be fully committed to my job one thousand percent of the time, but also that it's okay if I need to take the smallest of breaks from time to time. Taking minutes out of my own day to focus on myself is the best way that I know how to serve those around me to my upmost capabilities.