Finding My Voice - {Honest Thoughts}

Transparency, truth, community. Three simple words. Three simple words that are always sitting at the forefront of my conscious mind. These are words that I've begun using in times of confusion; I use these words as guidance when faced with a choice that I'm unclear in making. It hasn't always been this way. I used to feel as though white lies were the best way to go about certain situations; that it was better to just cover up what I was actually feeling so that I didn't ripple the waters of the relationships that surrounded me. If somethings bothering me, I'll let it slide, regardless of how badly it eats me up internally long after the moment has passed. If someone takes advantage of what I have to share, I'll let it go, making excuses for the way that they're acting. If a friend continues to take and take and take without realizing that they've taken all that I can possibly give, I've allowed the mistreatment to continue because I let myself believe that they'll eventually realize how they've saddened me and make things right.

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Slowly, very slowly, I am finding a voice, my voice.

I am learning that saying no to one situation allows myself to be open to receiving something that will serve me better.

I am learning that I don't need to be loud to be heard, but I don't need to stay quiet if my sharing is being taken advantage of.

I am learning that standing up for my message and my photography does not make me an aggressive person.

I am learning that sharing what I know with those around me is something that I am so incredibly passionate about, and that doesn't mean that I am a pushover.

I am learning that being 1000% transparent in all that I do is opening myself up to hurt; but it's also opening myself up to unbelievable joy.

I am also learning that in sharing all that I am and all that I know is opening myself up to people who have begun to imitate what I have to give in terms of my photography.

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I will never jump up and down, begging for attention, screaming my message from the highest rooftop. I trust in the fact that my energy serves me + my message well. I believe that regardless of how many other people are imitating what I choose to give, that you will find your way to me, because our connection runs so much deeper than that of a photographer-client.

I came into this world simply being; not seeking attention, or rearing with jealousy, or aware of the misconstrued mindset of right and wrong. I've dubbed myself a listener from as long as I can remember, a silence presence that is comfortable in knowing that sometimes being silent with someone who seeks advice can mean so much more than words ever could. Over the past two years, I've learned that coming from a place of sincerity and truth is how I want to live my life as a human being, as well as a photographer. As I continue to learn more about myself, I've become faced with some terrifying monsters that I would rather ignore than to have to face head on; feelings that do not stem from a place of love + light. Without intentionally intending to, I end up absorbing these thoughts and feelings into myself, as opposed to bringing them into the light and letting them go. Letting things go is easier said than done, and it's so incredibly easy to succumb to the dark turmoil that clouds our thoughts as soon as we answer the door to their persistent knocking. Facing those large dark masses is uncomfortable. It's messy, dark, and unknown. But I've been told numerous times that it's in the darkest moments of discomfort; those moments where all you want to do is squeeze your eyes shut and run away from everything, that we allow ourselves the space to grow.