Lena - Free Spirit Retreat

  Push play and enjoy reading through Lena's words.

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When I was asked if I felt worthy - my answer was no I don’t feel worthy and there isn’t much more to that. So I started to list the reasons why. Hearing what came out of my mouth broke my heart. I’ve never said those things out loud, my worthlessness has never felt more real. Listing reasons why was not a part of this exercise so I started to list things I could do to change that. I didn’t believe myself, they were just words to me in that moment. After I left the retreat, I met up with the most amazing human being and we talked about my self-worth, he asked me to rate it. I think my number was a 3 or a 4 (out of 10). We walked in the rain, our conversation was deep but so light. Being in his presence, reminiscing and sharing this insane connection brought my number up to a 7. I’ve been working on loving the woman I am, every piece of me and today I’m worthy. I still have my off days but I embrace them with an open heart.

 

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What did you take out of the retreat? An abundance of love. Worthiness. And so much more. When we arrived Kori was talking about the cleansing power of the ocean. I decided to dip my feet in that same night. So I did, it was overwhelming - I did not like that feeling, I started to cry and quickly went back into the cabin. Later that night Teresa was talking about meditating and having some sea lions visit her. I went to the ocean the next morning, I talked to myself, talked to nature and meditated. I dipped my feet in, laid back on the rock and talked to nature some more. I asked for a sign, a sign to show me I’m strong and that I can get through everything that’s been going on my life. I asked to see a whale then I changed my mind and asked for some sea lions. I felt I was asking too much so I asked for her to bring the ducks closer to me so I can admire them. I laid there with my eyes closed for a while, feet in the ocean – energy vibrating through me and back into earth. I opened my eyes to check the water and as I did the most majestic eagle was hovering right above my head. The eagle stayed for a split second, allowing me to admire its beauty and learn from its presence then disappeared into the horizon. I got my sign, in that moment something in me changed. I was strong again. I’m a goddess. That happened right before my photos – my soul shined through in the most transparent, authentic way thanks to Mother Nature.

What is something that we cannot see by looking at this picture? The years it took for me to love myself. In this photo I truly love every single inch of my body and every single dark corner of my heart and soul.

 

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