Name It & Let It Go {Honest Thoughts}

Lately there's been such a disconnect between my physical being and my agitated mind: my body craves a sense of calm, yet my mind can't seem to grow still. My sleep has been restless, my waking-mind distracted, and my energy exerted before the day is done. I've gone back and forth with the reasonings regarding such an aggravating unintentional routine, and although I am certain as to why my days have been in such disarray lately, I hadn't been emotionally ready to acknowledge the feelings that have thrown such a wrench into my already-overflowing schedule up until today. Writing for me is one of the best ways for me to release all of my thoughts and emotions up to the surface; it allows me to face my thoughts and my burdens all at the same time, in a some-what organized manner. I had no intention of sitting down and writing anything "deep" today--it was never on my to-do list; but, while I was taking an editing break to make lunch, all of these thoughts + sentences began flowing into my mind, and I knew it was time to open the dam and let it all out. I believe that a lot of the time, we're afraid to let a "bad thought" into our minds; maybe we're scared that opening ourselves into negative situations or scenarios is going to lead us to a negative lifestyle or negative day. We don't want it to affect us, to consume our thoughts and disturb our lifestyle. We often forget that as much as we try to resist, this process is going to run it's course with or without your permission to do so, and we continue to exhaust all of our energy trying to prevent the process. Maybe we believe that acknowledging a bit of darkness will tarnish our positive lifestyles, or our happy-filled Instagram feeds, but I truly believe that the truth is quite the opposite.

“Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness.” {Brene Brown}

 

Mark has taught me a million and one things, but one of his lessons that I hold in the utmost regard is that we have to be able to acknowledge the thoughts/situations that are no longer serving us, and we have to be able to let them go. I don't believe that friendships are always meant to last forever. I truly don't. I believe that there are a lot of people that ebb and flow within our life, some with the subconscious intention of being by our sides for a few years, while others only having a short purpose to serve before moving onto something/someone else. Much like anything else in life, we aren't able to predict the steps that our lives are going to take; that means that we're also not able to foresee which friendships find permanent shelter in our hearts, and which friendships turn to seek shelter elsewhere. If we work to nurture and grow the vulnerable side of our beings, then it's inevitable that we will begin to invest love + energy into each blossoming relationship that wanders into our lives. It's only natural that we seek refuge in the comfort of those relationships, and invest daily thought into the wellbeing of those other spirits who now occupy safe space within our lives. So what happens when all of a sudden those relationships begin to shift? When the people who had originally formed that bond have evolved into becoming different people? We've spent so much of this short life building and sustaining this fragile bond, only to have it begin to weaken, so much so until it disintegrates into nothing.

DSC_5205**my new favourite shirt courtesy of Top Knot Weddings + Pixel Paper Hearts

I've come to the realization that maybe the people that we meet aren't always the person who they are in the process of becoming. We get swept into other people's lives at one very specific time, and we fall under this illusion that that is who they are in their entirety. Maybe they're working through something, or working on themselves, OR maybe who they let you see is, in fact, the person that they've always been. In beautifully rare cases, we are welcomed into a life during those times of change, and we are able to grow together into becoming the people that we were always meant to be. Other times, I believe that we grow apart; not because of disinterest, but simply because we met during the evolutionary process of our own separate journeys. With growth and separation comes hurt in it's simplest and truest form form. We find ourselves amidst those all-consuming memories that have the capability to keep us up at night. We don't want to dwell on those past moments that seemed so true and real while we were experiencing them in real time. I urge you--alongside of urging myself--to let those thoughts in. The memories that we turn to shouldn't be discredited, or decreased in their emotional value, because at one time in our lives, those previous interactions were once all-consuming; they were exactly what we needed at that exact time in our lives. As hard as we may struggle to face the void that now fills a part of our life, I believe that it's our responsibility to ourselves to face that blackness head on; to let it consume us in it's entirety. As vulnerable beings, we accept the responsibility of feeling EVERY single emotion in full force; we know that in order to fully value and whole-heartedly appreciate those sweet moments of goodness throughout our lives, that we have to be willing to be open to those core-shaking moments of grief and turmoil that can also make an appearance within our daily walk.  We wouldn't have been giving the capability to feel pain and fear in their strongest sense if we weren't supposed to succumb to those feelings throughout our lives.

We weren't created to ooze happiness every single moment of each waking hour--and anyone who is portraying that is lying to you. I whole-heartedly believe that our days can be primarily so so good--FILLED with gratitude, grace, and an abundance of joy; many of us work incredibly hard to build a life of community + positivity + kindness, but that doesn't mean that we have to close our awareness off from those other "not so popular" emotions that walk through life with us. Opening up ourselves to accept the good with the bad, the fear with the courage, the joy with the sadness does not make you any less of a person. It does not make you any less of a rolemodel, or a mother, or a husband, or a friend; in my books, it makes you one of the strongest people that I know.