DSC_7110-2That feeling of uncertainty is never a welcomed one. Whether it's an uncertainty with relationships, or career paths, or an uncertainty within yourself, it's never an entirely positive feeling to be overwhelmed with fear of the unknown. Of course, spontaneity is in the same family as uncertainty, but it's almost as if "uncertainty" is the evil twin, while spontaneity gets to have all of the fun. Over the course of the past three months, Mark and I have been living under a dark cloud of uncertainty, we had become overwhelmed and swallowed whole by a big dark vortex of the unknown. We were waiting on other people--which always make things all the more complex--because not only are you unsure of what's to come, you're also relying on others and cannot do anything to help the process along. All in all, we just felt lost. You know that "jar of memories" that I shared on the blog MANY months ago? Well we've started to incorporate another "memory" aspect to that jar. Whenever we're feeling overwhelmed, pushed down, defeated, or lost, we'll write it down. We'll write down the struggle that we're going through, either together or "alone", and we'll put it in that jar; that way, at the end of the year when we get to go through and relive all of the incredible things we did throughout the year, we'll also get to look back on those struggles--those moments where we thought that we'd never make it out--and we'll get to realize that those moments were only small bumps along the road.

While floating through our state of limbo, we spent a lot of time with family & new friends; but, we also spent plenty of time avoiding the topic of "summer" with fear of jinxing the potential of what would hopefully come; continually skirting around any topic of conversation that might ask that dreaded "what are your work plans for the summer" question. In reality, we just didn't know the answer. While we "patiently" waited for life to give us our answer, we spent some incredible times travelling to take our mind off of things; spending time with new & old friends exploring Alberta AND BC, and also getting the amazing opportunity to fly down to Texas to photograph an elopement. However, at the end of the day, when it was just the two of us in our apartment, we still felt the weight of these next couple of months on our shoulders, we were still overwhelmed with unknowingness. No amount of travelling or fun could make that go away; forget about it for a while? Absolutely. But erase it from our mind? Noooope.

I promise to stop being so melodramatic now, I just think that it's important to share bits of the struggle that always accompanies the triumphs; because one doesn't work without the other. Isn't that the beauty of social media though? People get to filter what they do and don't post in order to make their life seem "perfect"? We get so caught up in others people lives, and envious of all of the "good" we see in our feeds that we completely forget that life is never that "easy" for anyone. I want to share the "negative" so that you see that nothing simply arrives at your doorstep without a bit of struggle, or without feeling scared and uncertain. Nothing in life comes super easy, and if you want things to work, you have to put IN that work beforehand. Holy smokes, if you made it this far, YAY! I promise I'm getting to the point now. Last Thursday, we made a very quick trip to Calgary because Mark had finally gotten an interview at a Design firm he had applied to many months prior; and he ended up landing an incredible internship for the remainder of the summer!! When he picked me up post-interview as I nervously awaited him at a downtown Starbucks, there's no words to explain the euphoria, the pure weightlessness that we felt together at that very moment; FINALLY we had a future we could be certain of.

Mark starts work on June 16th, which means that I only have TWO WEEKS in Edmonton left to take session bookings. After we move, everything else (with the exception of my brides-to-be & sessions that are already booked) will have to wait until the fall. I have EIGHT portrait openings between now and then, so if you're wanting family, couple, engagement, outdoor boudoir, or beauty sessions, send me an email kaihla@kaihlatonai.com ASAP and we'll pick a date!


This also means that I am NOW taking bookings in Calgary (& surrounding) areas--ESPECIALLY the mountains hehe--from June 16th until the end of August!! I'm also going to be looking to collaborate with local creatives & boutiques for a few "elopements" and planned creative sessions this summer so if you know of any:

  • Hair + makeup artists
  • Florists
  • Jewellery makers
  • Stylists
  • Boutique owners
  • Someone who might own some land around Calgary (I need a private spot for an outdoor boudoir marathon!!)

who might be interested in collaborating with me, PLEASE either direct them to this blog post, or send my name along to them :) THANKYOU (seriously) if you took the time to read this blog post, I had not idea that it would get this long. I cannot even begin to explain how excited Mark and I both are for the rest of the summer!! We are also SO pumped (&thankful) to be able to live with my sister and brother-in-law during our time in Calgary!!

Interested in following along with our adventures, you can always find me posting things over on Instagram (@kaihlatonai)